Children Acting Out

There are many children of divorce that act out in both verbal and non verbal negative communication. Meaning quite simply they can be real monsters sometimes.

I have had this experience on several occasions. Although, I am not a therapist or trained professional counselor, I can comment on what I have noticed:

Children of divorce need your attention. Even the ones that don't act out and sit quietly to themselves. These quiet ones can sometimes be the ones you really need to worry about. But we will save that for another topic.

Kids that act out are doing it to spite you; get back at you; get your attention (they don't care if its good or bad attention). To them any attention fills their need. They can often revel in providing shock value as well.

So why do they do this? Several factors, lets look at my thoughts on some:
* Their life has been turned upside down, acting out is their outlet
* A parent is out of the picture full time and they miss that connection
* They might think it's your fault that the divorce happened & they are punishing
you with their bad behavior
* Acting out is the only way they can get you to pay 100% attention to them, since
the divorce are you busy doing other things?
* They fear you might leave too, acting out is a result of this fear
* If your marriage had yelling, they are eager to get you to yell, its comforting
(another words they have learned to associate love with yelling and fighting)

So now what?

TALK to your child, you get in counseling if necessary. You make sure you allow yourself at least 1 hour uninterrupted with each child every night. This is a minimum and in no way is the standard or best case scenario. Best case is 2.5 hrs plus. But we know in post divorce, your schedules and available time changes.

LISTEN to your kids, get them to talk and open up about their feelings.
Remember discipline is needed. You need to keep an orderly home and rules. Don't let them run over you. Its easy to feel guilty after divorce and then you think you need to let them get away with everything because of your own guilt. DON'T DO THAT.

GUIDE your child and be the parent in firm control now more than ever. They need to know that you have it under control and your in charge.

Structure. You will hear me say this over and over. They need structure and routine now more than ever. You have to be accountable just as much as they do.